------------Yohan’s POV

Isn’t it funny that I’m doing crazy things just because of Chenea? Am I just desperate or is it just synonymous to being crazy?

Days had passed, and guess what? I’m doing the things Chenea would love to do. I visited Cuidar Charity at least once or twice a week and spending some time with the children. I treat them with toys and food and I’d always play a song for them. Yes, I’ve just quite mastered or for me, I’m doing well in piano now. Besides, Sir ____ had his patience long for me when I was still learning how to play piano. I still sucked in playing basketball; I even needed to be on leave for three months to find myself as I was lost in disguising Chenea’s habits.

I did not stop playing basketball, maybe it’s just a temporary stop. So basically, I’m not having any practices; pausing from playing basketball’s actually depressing at times especially when I read news about my team’s games. It was an intrigue that I had to be on leave. Media was coming my way in every place I go to. I just had to lie and tell them I have a wrist injury. What sucks even more is seeing my team’s bench, and I’m not with them. I was offered to leave, I was ordered to have a sick-leave. I guess I can’t do anything better without Chenea by my side.

It’s ironic to be lying when all I’m feeling right now is heartache.

I had to pay a big amount on renting the whole MOA at midnight until three in the morning. I just wanted to learn ice-skating by myself. My butt hurts a million times every time I fell on the ice. It was so hard; I just don’t know how Chenea does so many things that are too hard for me to do. I had to gain too many bruises before learning to skate in a straight line.

Ice-cold… I’m freezing in pain. It sucks even more to be alone this way trying to relive the memories of Chenea all by yourself.

I can’t let a day pass without visiting the place, my favorite place which turned out to be a place of bad memories now, where Chenea buried out letters for each other. I even had to secretly get the container because it flooded a bit one time, I’m afraid it will get wet. So I had to bury it farther from the shore and deeper. I trusted her words so much that I cannot even peek at the letters.

Six months, I waited. Six months, I had to die each and every day without her presence by my side. Six months, one hundred and eighty days trying to fight away the pain. One hundred and eighty days, I tried to live the way she lived her life six months ago… that awesome voice I heard when she played the piano, that skilled girl in playing basketball, that talented girl who ice skates, that girl who seem to have taken my heart with her when she left. Who would have thought that someone like me, Yohan Jin—a professional basketball player, would take piano lessons? How on earth did I manage to inquire in her Men’s Suit? How come I had the courage to learn ice skating? What’s so special about Cuidar Charity? Seriously, what is so special about Chenea that makes me do the things that apparently, hurts me that here… Standing in the spot, this same spot where I re-buried our letters alone?

I looked forward for this day… that that 180^th day would come and I’ll see her and I’ll tell her what I really feel. But she’s not here. Not yet, I hope. Maybe I was just too early waiting for her.

We promised to read the letters together. And I don’t know why time passed by so quickly I didn’t notice the sun had set. The stars appeared in the sky.

I have no choice… Yohan, just take the letter. I did my part and waited for six months, I did my part and went on the place where we promised to meet again.

I left my letter for her in the eye glass container and buried it again. Maybe one day, she’ll come to get it. I hope.

Slowly and carefully, I opened it…

“Yohan,

It’s been six months… how have you been? I hope you’re fine, more than ever whenever I saw you in the past six months. I don’t know how I’d be today; I can’t just predict I am okay. I swear it’s too hard to write something that would be read months from now. How can I relate it to you after six months? Not that I don’t trust you, but if you’re reading this now… you are not obliged to read my letter for you. I’m not even a pinch sure if you’ll even read this.

I know I’m wrong to be running away. I just had to escape this reality because it hurt me so much and I don’t know what to do anymore. I just had to find myself, and return when I’m ready to face all the people and all the things I’ve left without precautions. I tell you, I hate airplanes as much as I love the piano. But what can I do? I have to overcome my fears and leave this place. I’m sick and tired of it…

CHENEA could be the ugliest name and weirdest name you’ve ever heard. I am sorry to be too imperfect for you, I feel like I don’t deserve even just a second with you. And YOHAN’s just the name I didn’t know I was searching for the whole time.

My heart was broken about a year ago. I didn’t know I can meet love again in the path I never really imagined. I didn’t even know I can love again. The courage and strength I lost to Calvert was too much, I’ve lost it all. Well that’s what I thought but not until I met you. Because who I am now is a stronger and more courageous Chenea. Who I am now is the Chenea that you slowly taught how to give her heart to someone fully without hesitation.

The pain I’ve felt before from Calvert was traumatic. It was all tragic when it’s a happily ever started because it ended. Yohan, the love I had given to Calvert was beyond someone’s definition of love. It was the true love any one can ever wish for. My love… it was so precious. But in the end, he let my love go. He asked for too much, he asked me to leave him. He asked me to act normal as friends if ever I’ll see him again. But for months, I did not see him and it killed me… but your presence after a break up was sent by God to save me from my desperation.

When I met you, love became indefinable. Love was something like I never met Calvert before. It sent different caution, there was nothing… but different sparks of fireworks lit up.

But deep inside my heart, I know that what I feel for you is defined only by love alone.

This love was settled, like it was meant to be for you, to be given only to you. Nobody knew and nobody told me I’ll meet you one day like someone so strange would save me from falling in the stairs. There was no caution at all, but I wanted to give it all to you. I love you so much now matter what the cost would be.

What felt so wrong was Clara’s death. And loving you, from then on, was wrong. The day I’ve met you, the days we spent together… they were all crashed down into pieces. We, together, felt so wrong. I don’t know why, but Clara’s death… it can’t just be ignored. What can a friend not do for a friend who died and a person she loves so much? I thought I need time.

How can we say this is what’s being meant to be if we’re supposed to be separated by so many reasons. We, for so many reasons, are not meant to be.

If you think I don’t care, the thing is that I do. If you think I don’t love you, well I actually do. And if you think I won’t be back, I will. But that day is more unpredictable. I’ll be finding courage again, courage to face you when we meet again. I have to be strong enough if ever our eyes will ever meet again. Be friends as we should be. Because a Yohan like you doesn’t deserve a Chenea like me.

I’ll be back when I’m ready to step closer to you again. And if we see again, pretend as if you just saw me yesterday. That there is nothing between us, like we’re normal friends, and so what if we see each other again. And if possible, pretend you don’t see me at all. Just for the good and best. Yohan, I can’t love you less if I’ll be seeing you every second. It could kill me… it could really tear my heart apart.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you in person. I’m sorry I’ve lost my courage again.

How will you be? I hope you will always be fine.

Six months, thank you for waiting.

Trying to find herself,

Chenea.

Six months, thank you for waiting… Oh, God… How can Chenea break my heart this much? It doesn’t actually feel like I waited for nothing, it feels like I’m abandoned for a love I didn’t realize for so long. What is it that keeps us apart? What is it that won’t let us be together? What is it that breaks my heart this much?

If it’s love, then why does it hurt me so? If it’s not love, why did I wait for six months?

Holding the letter and looking farther than the empty horizon… Standing strongly as I want to break down. ‘How can we say this is what’s being meant to be if we’re supposed to be separated for so many reasons. We, for so many reasons, are not meant to be.’ Seriously, in her heart… What is being meant to be?

I shed a tear in the dark, nobody will ever see me, no one will ever feel the pain in me. I was blinded by a flash of light in my left, coming from a ten-meter distance. In a snap, I looked where it came from. A man slowly appeared from a distance, not that far. He’s holding a camera like he’s a paparazzi or something.

“I’m sorry, man. Sorry for the interruption.” He said approaching me by a handshake. He doesn’t look familiar, even just a bit. He looked so old. But not too old.

“No. I mean, it’s nothing.” I looked away from him and secretly wiped my tears.

“I—I took a picture of you, you sure that’s nothing?”

I did not answer.

“You looked so emotional… That’s a pretty good shot anyways.” He scanned his camera for pictures.

“How old are you?”

“What? What kind of question is that…?” He laughed a little bit.

“In your life, how do you move on from a broken heart?”

He did not say a word for about a minute.

“I know you’re a basketball superstar, are you Yohan Jin?”

“U-huh. Don’t tell me you’re a—“

“No, I’m not paparazzi.” He smiled at me. “Sixty years of existence, I married a woman whom I’ve given my heart the day I met her. She was my first love.” His eyes were sad in a sudden. “We got married when we were twenty.”

“That’s…”

“Yes, that’s too early for both of us. But in forty years, my heart’s being broken and pierced each and every day. Until now, my heart’s broken and I don’t think there’s anyone out there who can fix it.”

“Is it—do you regret it?”

“No, not even a little. Marriage, for me and how I understand it, is when you can’t let the girl go anymore, when you know that from the start, she already took your heart. That no matter what or where or how the girl is, you’ll be able to define forever by being with her. My wife, she let me feel all of those.”

“But… your heart’s being broken, why is that so? Is it possible to be broken when you know, she’s yours now?”

“She’s not mine anymore. I could have taken care of her because we exchanged vows. And growing old wouldn’t be this hard if I’m not growing old alone. Yohan Jin, she died. She died the day after we got married because she’s sick. I bet you know why we married at an early age. I can’t just let her go, I love her so much. I can’t take it if she’ll be gone.” I don’t get it why of all these hurt, he doesn’t shed a tear. “I never loved another woman after her death. It feels so wrong to love someone after a death. But life goes on.”

“So… how do you move on?”

“Are you crazy?” He looked at me like mocking me.

“Wh—why? Of course, I’m not!”

“How do I move on? You’re crazy. Why would even think of that? Why will I move on? Should I? Little boy, I loved a girl so much, with no hesitations, I gave her my all. Her death’s not my fault, it’s not her fault, it’s no one’s fault. Nobody ever wanted this to happen, nobody wanted to grow old alone. But I loved her so much, and still do, and I don’t think there could be any reason to move on. Moving on is not a joke, when you say you move on, you force yourself to forget someone who ironically either you broke her heart, or she did.

“Yohan, I did not move on. Because I love her, I can’t just forget her. Why would I force myself to throw away everything we had before? When you love a person, whatever the cost would be, it’s worth fighting for. Win or lose, it’s always your choice. There is no giving up in love, only enduring. In the end, you’ll realize what’s the best, you’ll learn something in the end.”

“So, you… did you learn something?”

“I learned to love as if ‘I’ never existed. All I did was to give, I gave love to the point that I forgot myself and love is only defined by the heart, not by so many other things that keep the two of you together or apart. That’s what I learned in the end.”

‘Love is only defined by the heart, not by so many other things that keep the two of you together or apart’. This man’s the man. “You think so?”

“yeah, and to sum it all up, I don’t think it’s the end for both of you. Whatever you’re thinking and worrying for right now, save it all for the last. What you learn now will pay off in due time and there;s a lot more to learn.”

I was surprised by what he said. I looked at him with a what-are-you-saying look. But he just smirked; this old guy can be very creepy. But I want to know more.

“Okay, I have to go. I’m a desperate photographer, but my works were never published or posted in magazines or online. I’ll go, have fun and enjoy your life, boy. You’re still young.” He winked at me and left, I was kind of frozen in death. He coughed on his way off this little place.

-----------------CHENEA'S POV

"What time will we arrive?" I asked Simon who's sitting a meter away from me in the private jet.

"Before the sun sets, Miss Lewis."

I sighed, "Just in time for the perfect six months measure." Then I looked at the windows, trying to see through everything...