What's Being Meant To Be? ♥

Sunday, May 23, 2010 10:14 PM

Right, guys. I wanna apologize for posting this chapter so damn late. My last post was May 10th. Now it's already June 3. :( That's nearly a month, and surely, I can't finish this story before school starts. So I'm planning to just post every weekend. hat should do, right? Anyway, it's just like a ten chapter more. Just wait and see. :)

Anyone who wants some shoutouts? :)

WHAT'S BEING MEANT TO BE?

SHEY

"If only tears could bring you back to me, then I'd never stop crying, I'd cry you an ocean." - Unknown

Days flew by, days seem lime a wind to me. It's never been always easy to be blown away by it. Wind never had any center for it neer really stops moving. Wind blows, and that makes the wind both useful and harmful. Wind blows and ruin some of the things it touches. Days start in whatever way you can ever imagine...but it lets you live like the wind.

There's no tomorrow when there's no today. And there's no today when you can't let go of yesterday. Same has to go with the wind. There's gotta be some gas that pushes it to move. It ends up pushing other air that makes it the wind, and pushes other air. That reasons out that what they become is just a reflection of what pushed them before to be.

I'm driving Janerie's car once again. Not because Yohan's in the hospital again waiting for me, but because I'm driving Janerie to the airport. She'll be leaving now to Paris. My closest friend is gonna live her dreams with her most cherished person in her life, Jeoff. My best friend-turned-sister will be out of my sight for, more or less, a month.

Why do such good and best things somehow come to their ends? Could it be possible that something better will come along though you know you've got what's best after all?

I guess best things in life are what you have today at present for there's nothing best in the future that has yet to come, and there's nothing better from the past that has to be gone and let go of.

What can you say? My family is out there, miles and miles away from me on the States. My only family here is my best friend, Janerie. Not biologically, but in term of the cardiac muscles, haha. We're sisters not blood, but by our hearts. Now how come she's leaving too soon?

And why do the person I've recently begun to like would just pick up his bloody phone? Am I really temporarily in a long time losing everything? Damn, this world has really gone mad.

Why haven't I heard those three words fr so long that I'd be willing to buy those? Don't I deserve to hear such a perfect statement? Is it because Calvert has always been in my heart? Did I actually have the courage to say to anyone, even to my best friend, that I still love the person she thought I've already let go of? I was just too tired holding on to him, but I'm still waiting.

"I'm really gonna miss you, Chens", Janeries hugged me. "I'll always be praying for your safety, and I'm sorry I can't be with you for a month when you need a--a ride or when you need a hug when you had a bad day."

I hugged her back. "I'm gonna be fine, Jans. There's nothing to worry about me. A month should be short, right?" I loosen up. "Bring home something for me, ha?" I smiled. "And I'm gonna miss you more than you will." We laughed both.

We had a beso and I turned to Jeoff. I embraced him, "You should be sure to take care of Jans, okay? I trust you."

"I'm more than sure of it." I waved goodbye to them when they entered the doors of the NAIA 3.

All that's happening make me miss my family even more. I wish my mom is all the way fine though I haven't heard for her in a really long, long time. And my dad, I hope he doesn't drain his time to work and give time to spend with my mom because he's needing some rest too. My brother, Chad (I call him Chad), he must be so busy. in his work but I hope he finds time to spend quality time with her wife and child. Why do I feel so left alone? Suddenly, my eyes moisten as my dad's e-mail to me flashed back.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" That woke me up from reminiscing memories. I'm almost hit by two cars, note that. TWO CARS MAN! What's so damn happening to me? Kill me now, they should have bumped my car though. Wait, no. Just kidding, this is Janerie's car, can't afford for them to do that. These luxury cars, balck Ford Everest and black Camry just caught me. Wait, MMDA's, are you out there? NAAAAH, kinda in a little kind of road way.

WAIT. They should've just really bumped me, I'd be okay and afford it anyway to buy Janerie a new car... Because... FINE, STFU... IT'S YOHAN AND CALVERT. Somebody wake me up from DREAMING!!!!!

It's like I just felt like crying... but then when these two people went out of their cars... my mood changed to being nervous and... crying even more! WAAAAAH! Why does it have to be today?

I can't keep up with everything at the same time.

Good thing they did not make some kind of fight. They even tap each other's shoulders. And in one second, their eyes popped on me. STOP MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

To show my apologize, I went down the car. MFS, can I not?

Of course, both were surprised, I just don't know if they're surprised because we haven't seen for so long...for each of them, or surprised because they don't want to see me anyway for so long too. I'm not surprised with that anymore. Please, could there be any sniper anywhere trying to kill me? Coz I'll be giving you a good view.

"Chenea?" Yohan and Calvert said it together. Damn it.

"Oh, uh... hi!"

I felt that feeling when you suddenly wish to be a bubble and just disappear right away. But now, I feel like I'm inside a balloon rather. Stuck and just floating at the moment.

"I haven't seen you in a while, chenea." Calvert greets me with that smile on his face. Can he stop doing that?

"Huh?" I just can't believe he's talking to me. "Yah... that's right. I've been busy these days."

"Yah, and today's actually the 14th of June." He said. I thought of it, what does it have to do with me? What's for today?... Hmm... Clara's birthday! I mean, his sister who died years ago. "Wait, you guys know each other?" Shucks. What can I say now? He's talking about Yohan. Damn.

What should I say? I look at Yohan and he did not seem to care to answer. He even looked away. "Umm--" I was interrupted.

"No, dude. Did not see her before, just now." He said looking away like it's not even what he wants to say. It felt like I wanna stop breathing coz it feels like my heart just stopped beating. That's...that's a lie. Why does it feel like I wanna slap his face but surely can't because I don't have the right. It keeps repeating in my head, like he never stops saying it in my ear. 'No dude, did not see her before, just now...no dude, did not see her before just now...no dude...'

"Well then, Chenea this is my friend from basketball, Yohan." I hear Calvert say, but I was just stared. "Chenea? I said this is Yohan. And Yohan, this is Chenea my--" Then I heard Calvert's phone ringing. He still uses the same old ring tone... It was us shouting 'I love you!' over and over again back then.

"Yah, I'll be there." I heard him say and put down his phone. "Oh, I'm sorry guys. But I really need to go, I'm running late. I'll see you next time." He got in his car and left. So now, he has a new girlfriend that makes him wanna run this time? Wait, why is it that so much has changed? Why do I care so much when people change? Why does it hurt sometimes knowing that things will never be the same if you meet again? It sucks so damn deeply.

Five seconds of silence. Ten seconds... Fifteen. Fine, I'm gonna be the one to break the ice.

"Hey." I started, and I know that my heart's jumping out of my chest this time not because of excitement, but because I'm not sure of what he'll say or if he'll even react. "If--if I have done something so wrong, then I'm sorry. Okay? I just really don't have any idea what I've done. Sorry if..if I did not please you with some of my actions, hindi ko naman sinasadya e. Pero kahit gan'on, I'm really, really sorry." I told him without looking at him, I don't know if he's even care to reply. I feel my eyes moisten again. But I just let them be. I can't move any how.

Guess I'm right. He's did not bother to say anything and now he turned around to leave.

"Hey, wait. HEY!" I tried to stop him but unfortunately, those words weren't enough to make him stop from going away. "Are you that mad at me?" I asked him, finally he stopped. "Are you that mad that you wouldn't even care to say something and just walk away like that? You know what? That's pretty lame, Yohan. Why just not face the person you're angry with?" He turned around and looked straight at me. It doesn't feel like he's Yohan. "I just want to apologize, 'kay? I'm so sorry, and if you're that mad at me, what should I do now? Please, it feels so wrong not to do anything, it's been a week, Yohan." And I miss you, that's what's on my mind.

"I've waited for you for hours, but you did not even come. You think that could be so easy to even see you now?" He said looking straight to my eyes.

I was stared at him, waited? What the hell is he saying? I came, and he's not there anymore! "Wh--what? You call that waiting? Well, I'm sorry but the traffic what too long." I said like he's driving me mad too.

"Or were you just with someone else that time? C'mon, no need to lie anymore, I saw you with other man!" I was shocked. What is he really saying? Wait... Keep thinking Chenea... I really wish Janerie's here. Then an airplane just flew by, I looked at it and thought, that may be Janerie's plane on board right now. Now I remembered, that time, I caught up with Calvert who got a flat tire, and I dropped him off by a Shell gas station.. So, he saw us? He misunderstood it.

"Oh, that.. that's.." Can I even say that's Calvert he is talking about? Would that be a good idea?

"Thank you, but that's all I needed to hear." He said and got in his car and left hurriedly.

I was left standing alone. Why does it hurt so bad? I wiped the first tear to fall into my right cheek, it won't even matter if I cry an ocean right now, because he'll never come back to know the real reason why I wasn't able to come right away to fetch him. Because I don't even think he'll ever, ever like me back. It's hopeless.

Maybe he just needs more time. More time.

I got up Janerie's car and drove to a flower shop. I'm getting bouquet of flowers to give to Clara's grave. It's why it feels so weird today though this only happens once a year, I love visiting Clara even just once a month, I used to tell her my story that she misses in a month.

--------------------YOHAN"S POV

I drove to Clara's grave, without even bringing anything as usual just myself and my heart. I usually get a bad mood during her birthdays since she died. So I'm sorry for the people who might bump and bumped to me today, they won't get anything good from me even words. It's just heart breaking knowing Clara died, and that means we didn't have a formal break up.

I sat down the grass, just right infront of her grave.

There are flowers, a little cupcake and picture of Clara and her brother, Calvert. He might have gone here already.

"Hi Clara, how are you there? HAPPY HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY, C! Surely you're happy now with your Master, it's been a long, long time. I really miss you", I started how I usually greet her. "I've gone through so much for the past year, I've met new hardships alone again. Know what? I still can't stop thinking... why does it have to be you who had to die that time? I was really wishing I can get to know the person who was driving the car before you. I never stopped searching for the effin a** driver. I'm still on the process of deciding how he or she should pay. You still did not deserve to die. How about me? My car should have stumbled with you that time, because it sucks living without you, C." I took a deep breathe. "There's thing girl, about a year or two younger than me, but surely older than you are. She's a really, really nice person, she's a fashion designer, but she never been too show off. She's not the kind of rich people whom you can see on the towering billboards and pages of magazines. To me, she's really simple despite she's got everything one could ever wish for." I changed the way I sat, I'm on Indian sit now playing with the flowers Calvert brought for her.

I took a deeper breath. "I might actually like her." I paused, this might hurt Clara. "The first time I saw her was even before I met her. I always see her infront of the condo I live in now. She lives just there too, in the Excanda condo where you've once dreaming of living in. In memory of you, since I can't live in that Excanda condo coz that's for your kind only, I live in the nearest condo possible. Because in everything I do, I want to remember you. And I know liking her is a capital sin to you, I never really wanted to like her, but those mornings I see her waiting for a cab wearing that appropriate outfit I would always love her to wear is just inevitable." I inhaled. "The incidents where we've met and knowing her is the second greatest opportunity next to knowing you. She keeps me going this time, I don't know why. But there's gotta be a reason why, I just can't get it now. And if I see her now, I'm gonna be apologizing my heart to her, I wasn't nice to her this morning I've seen her. I didn't even bother to talk to her nicely, I kinda shouted at her, C. I know that's wrong, but what happened to us recently is just something that my heart can't accept now. C, when you died, I promised to to ever love again... I promised and I want to fulfill that promise I left you. But the way I try my best to be there for her and to know her more is just not so normal of me."

Suddenly, it started pouring light rain.

"Clara, I'm sorry. You can be mad at me, but please. Let me know when to let you go, C... Because... I... I already love her, I just can't believe I do. And it feels so wrong, C. It feels wrong to love again when you've just died." The rain pours harder, and I'm all wet now. "C, if... if you let me see her now, I'll take it as a sign. And it's your approval, just give me you're blessing, C and I can wait all my life. If you're willing to let me let go of you, C... You're always gonna have your own place in my heart no matter what. It's been years, and surely I'll love you forever. But now, I'm in love." I know no one can even see my tears now, the rain will surely just erase them all. But I know, I do cry right now.

In a sudden, I felt no rain. It feels like it's not raining anymore though it is. I looked up, and it's... Chenea holding that umbrella for me.

------------------CHENEA'S POV

Before I left Clara's grave, I saw Yohan. Not so long, the rain started pouring hard and he's still there, I can't hear what he's saying, nor do I want to eavesdrop, the rain just has its loud noise. Maybe it's just really something I can't hear. The rain pours harder. That's it.

I went near Yohan carrying an umbrella. He looked up to me, he looked too surprised, I know he doesn't even want to see me.

"Just take this, and I'll go." I told him, I understand he doesn't want to see me. He kinda yell at me this morning, and he would've just wished I vanished in the existence. He stood up and held the umbrella touching my hand. I felt butterflies, I removed my hand. "I--I'll go now." I ran in the rain to get into Janerie's car.

When I got in, I breathe deeply. I kept thinking, 'that's nothing'. I started the engine and drove to leave the memorial park.

"Good thing I've already brought the flowers I bought to give to Clara, if now then I'll be showered by the heavy rain." I said to myself.

There are some things in life that brings you a burden even if you know from the first place that they make you happy, and you love them. The only thing that's left to do sometimes is to accept the truth, accept the reality and wake up from dreaming, be yourself and love those who deserves to be loved.

I left Janerie's car at the parking of her condo in Makati. I took a cab and went to my office. It's already 6 in the evening. Should be home now, but since I'm upset, I work.

"Oh, ba't nandito ka?" Einus asked.

"Should that be an insult?" Tanong ko, sorry. I'm no longer in the right mood now. "I--I'm sorry, I'm just..I'm just tired, I gotta work now."

"There you go again, if you're not in the mood, or tired, why don't you just go home and rest? Work is a place for work, not a home, Chenea."

"Ok lang ako, Einus. I love my work, I consider this my home." I told him reading the new papers for the next productions. Which is to be approved, and which is needing a little adjustment. I don't actually reject, I just always say that they need some improvement with the product.

"Alright, as you say." He left my office.

It's already 11 in the evening, and I'm still not okay.

"Chenea, here." He handed me a piece of paper with Yohan's landline number. "The sources said it's an answering machine, so whether he picks up or not, just say what you want to say."

"Ok, thanks." Matamlay kong sagot. I'm still thinking... should I really call him? Out of nothing, I dialed the number using my phone.

It rang three times, he doesn't pick up. Until I heard his voice recorded saying, 'Hi, this is Yohan. Sorry, I'm busy.'

--------------YOHAN's POV

I'm lying down my bed trying to figure out everything. I heard my telephone ringing, but I did not even bother to answer until I heard a girl's voice.

"Umm... Yohan?" Wait, is... is that Chenea? "This is Chenea, I know you're busy, or already asleep. But... I just wanna tell you something, I still want to..to apologize. For everything, I'm sorry." I just continued listening. she paused and I heard her sniff. "I know I can't make it up to you that easy, but I just want you to know that.. that I'm willing to bring back the things we used to do. Yohan--I... I'm not okay if you're not okay. This afternoon, I saw you're having a hard time in the memorial park, that person might be really important to you and I understand if you did not even bother to say something." I heard her sniff once again. "And if you think I did not really come to the hospital, I just want you to know that I..I did. But maybe I was just too late and you're not there anymore. I was late because someone interviewed me out of the blue, and I dropped Calvert by a gas station because he got a flat tire. Maybe you're surprised, but don't. Because I did not plan all of those, I did not know those people were coming that time. I'm really sorry, I hope you call back if you get this. Oh, P.S., I'll be watching your next game."

I rushed to the phone and picked it up, "Chenea? Hello?" Then she hang up. I threw the telephone away, and gone mad about myself.

-----------------CHENEA'S POV

I felt so down, he did not even bother to pick up the phone. Whatever, maybe it's just time to refresh myself. And suddenly, I remembered a place...

"Whenever I feel like refreshing up my mind, I go here. If I want to escape from reality, I always go here. Whenever I'm in problems, I scream myself out here. Because I--I know no one can hear me here whenever no one cares about me."

So, I ran down from my office and got a cab.

When I was there, I walked slowly and watch the moon. Though there were really clouds making it hide, I still loved the view. If this is the way I have to be okay, then I'll be staying here. If he said that this is the place to escape from reality, then I believe him.

I suddenly feel tears running down on my cheeks, I just keep on remembering all that he said this morning.

Guess I'm right. He's did not bother to say anything and now he turned around to leave.

"I've waited for you for hours, but you did not even come. You think that could be so easy to even see you now?" He said looking straight to my eyes.

"Oh, that.. that's.." Can I even say that's Calvert he is talking about? Would that be a good idea?

"Thank you, but that's all I needed to hear." He said and got in his car and left hurriedly.

It's really frustrating to be falling to a person who wouldn't even care to just call you back. It's been a week, and I guess that's just enough.

"I'm sorry, but it's been just a week, please... Don't give up now." I heard someone said from behind...

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